


An Absence of Space

by bigcatsandkatanas



Category: Twin Peaks
Genre: M/M, Sick Harry, lots of nostalgia, post-revival (season 3)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2019-01-04 08:09:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12164934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigcatsandkatanas/pseuds/bigcatsandkatanas
Summary: A voyage in Harry's heart and soul, Harry explores his memories and dreams of what could have been. A real connection or not, Harry finds something within himself he lost long ago.





	An Absence of Space

**Author's Note:**

> The is my first Twin Peaks fic so I'm a little rusty, I tried to get the timeline right in my head. This bounces around a lot between memories and dreams so it's a little disjointed. Apologies if there's any typos. And thanks for reading.

A shadowy figured appeared at the end of Harry Truman’s bed. Laura Palmer’s case should have come to mind, time and time again rereading about that malicious spirit bringing pain and sorrow.  This wasn’t the case. Sickness brought him between two worlds, time sped and dragged. Dream or not there was some peace seeing nothing manifest in a deep black shape of a person, graininess around the edges.

People would visit. He’d hear from his brother but that was routine.

Anticipation.

There needed to be a face to the stranger at the foot of his bed. His mind searched for features, for names.

Josie Packard was long gone.

With the shadow still watching he fell asleep thinking of her warmth pressing against him.  

He travelled so far he could feel the memories, the burdens, all dropping from his shoulders. Less weight in his limbs, a far less heavy heart, it was 1989 and he was walking down the halls of the Great Northern. He wasn’t entirely sure why but an emptiness lingered. Josie had left him, he was alone and with no company he was watching people couple up, dancing.

From the start it was easy to make friends, but he was always a bit of a loner. No one really understood him. Well, maybe that wasn’t true, not since he came around.

A vision came to him, an old memory he had. A younger version of himself sat around a campfire with all the other boys he’d call friends. Each took a turn talking about all sorts of stories that thrilled them in different kinds of ways but like all trips to the woods were, they always ended with scary stories promising nightmares and tossing and turning helplessly in a cocoon of a sleeping bag. Men with huge knives, sexual violence, the voices that came from the deepest darkest parts within the woods, Harry could deal with all of that but when asked what his biggest fear was, he didn’t have an answer. At least one he could say out loud.

The nightmare he had that night started normal enough, hearing silence, waking up and going back outside. All the other tents gone, the wind blowing, shivering, and alone, the only source of light being the moon with the fire having been stomped out.

Harry was back in the Great Northern again with a drink in hand. The song that was playing earlier was still going like an endless loop.

Where was Dale? He was supposed to be there with him but he looked everywhere. After having a couple more drinks at the bar he found himself somehow teleport to the  door of his hotel room, hand trembling, centimeters away from hitting the hard surface of the wood.

He knocked once, then twice.

Dale answered the door.  The top buttons of his shirt were undone, his bowtie hanging loosely off his collar.

“Women, huh?” Harry slurred, his forehead pressed against the door frame.

“Come in,” Dale said somberly.

“She stand you up too?”

Annie, round blue eyes, she had a youthful glow and gave something to Coop Harry had never seen before. They didn’t know each other for long but not since the first time Dale had asked about the douglas firs…

Harry lamented on the sharp pain when he thought long enough about Annie, the look in Dale’s eyes that was not meant for him. Why’d he want it for himself?

Dale was silent, now sitting at the edge of his bed, his back facing Harry.

Awkwardly Harry stood there wondering what was wrong, there was always a shorthand between them and he was at a loss.

“Hey uh-we could go to the bar. Have a couple drinks, chat some. Maybe you got something you need to get off your chest.”

There was the opportunity to say something but Dale didn’t, he did turn though. His eyes baring straight into his, words were held tightly in his mouth. Nothing was said and he was no longer looking at him anymore.

“You can’t leave me here talking to myself.”

“Is there music playing?”

“Yeah,” Harry had moved closer, his hand resting on Dale’s shoulder.

That touch reminded him of a moment he wasn’t so sure he had already lived. He had been on the other end of that kind of touch from Dale, the attempt at comfort. He thought of the embrace after the touch, firm but gentle. He remembered himself falling apart and Dale putting him back together, at least long enough to stay on the straight and narrow.  

It probably happened in another life.

Him and Dale, the connection forged between them was instantaneous and stronger than anything he’d ever felt. They just clicked.

“There’s a party. There’s drinks. You said it yourself to give yourself something every once and a while,” Harry must have been worried because he hadn’t heard himself ramble on this much for a long time.

“I need sleep. No, actually,” Dale muttered to himself, then lifted his brows, “I’ve slept too much.” He made a grab for the phone but Harry pushed down on the receiver, hanging it up and moving it away from him.

“No, you need rest. Annie can wait.”

“Annie?”

“Yeah Annie,” Harry chuckled.

Dale was staring down at his feet, contemplating something. He looked older except there wasn’t a single line on his face that Harry could remember him not having before, but it was something about his eyes. Dread, fear and uncertainty, the light dimming.

“Don’t you feel like we’re electrons bouncing around, never staying in place, going from one point to another without any real destination?”

“I-I don’t know,” Harry could feel himself shaking, like he was asking questions he had never thought to ask himself. Questions he didn’t want answered, much less to think about. Nothing to wake him from this living dream, he couldn’t have that. He needed this.

“I know why you’re here, why I’m here,” Dale said with some certainty. “You’re sick.”

Harry smiled, “I drank a little yeah, but you’re the one who looks a little under the weather. Get some rest and I’ll see you in the morning. Just think of hot coffee and endless doughnuts. Repeat it over and over like a mantra.”

“No just stay. I’ve been gone for a long time,” Coop swallowed, his eyes glazing over. “I have haven’t I?”

“Okay,” he wasn’t about to argue now, he was concerned. He was already walking to the chair across from the room when Dale stopped him.

“No. Closer.”

Harry froze, he licked his lips unsure if he was hearing right. His palms were sweating. He moved forward grabbing the chair and dragging it. Coop was watching him, smiling warmly. He pat on the bed instead.

He didn’t understand why the circumstances had suddenly changed, they were always in each other’s space, breathing each other’s air. Was it the bed that changed their dynamic?

It didn’t look that way to Dale, Harry found that reassuring. He briefly beat himself up for letting the voices in his own head keep him from being close to his friend that was in need of some tenderness.

For some time they sat in silence except for the wind blowing in the distance. Josie was in Seattle, right? She was in Seattle shopping. She’d come back with bags in her hands, a smile spreading on her lips as soon as she saw him, her arms wrapping around his shoulders.

Why did that sound like a lie?

Instead he thought of Dale, he thought of bridging the gap between them on the bed. Dale was still sitting on the edge. From the doorway he imagined himself moving closer from behind, his hands resting on Dale’s shoulders, then sliding down his chest. One hand holding his chin and tilting his head just enough so their lips could touch.

He blinked and it was happening, like he jumped straight back into his own body. Dale hesitated for a moment, letting out a sigh before kissing him back out of his own volition.

What happened to that logical side of his brain? Where was the voice that told him this would make it so much harder to do his job? The contact sent him reeling, a flood of memories taking him by force. There’d be so many times he’d wanted this, moments barely lasting longer that a second, the flicker of his eye over Dale’s lips, wondering what it’d feel like to taste them, to feel them against his own.

For so long he was fine with being a shadow, meeting Josie in secret. But now Dale was looking at him, really looking at him. He was the first person who really saw him, no shame, no judgement.

“Well,” Dale questioned, his eyes half lidded, his head against the pillow as Harry hovered over him.

“This was a long time coming,” Harry smiled bashfully, his gaze briefly meeting with Dale’s then darting away.

“Feels like an eternity and then some.”

Harry looked at the nightstand, the hotel room key standing out prominently compared to everything else, forest green like the trees that swayed with the wind that whistled and clawed at the windows.

“I want you,” Dale stated with utmost certainty. It was the most certain Harry had heard him the whole night.

Oh man, if there was any goodness in the world it was right there in that hotel room.

With a hunger that could consume Harry kissed him, a heat burning between them as they moved against each other. That spark could start a fire.

Electricity.

Their clothes were discarded and thrown to the floor. Skin on skin, the friction, he could feel Dale begin to shiver with each movement, his mouth falling open, giving way to small sweet noises he’d try to hide.

 _Don’t hold back, Coop_ , Harry heard himself say so loud in his head he wondered if the words had somehow escaped his mouth.

Dale didn’t say anything in response, so maybe he didn’t say anything at all but any reservations were close to being all but lost.

Harry licked his lips, his eyes intense, staring at Dale’s ever changing expressions as if his life depended on it. With flushed cheeks Dale grew braver, grinding himself against Harry’s knee. His arms wrapped around his shoulders pulling him closer at just the right angle to keep contact. Harry started kissing his neck and along his collar bone, kissing lower and lower until he took him into his mouth. Dale writhed underneath him, hands clinging to his hair as his head moved up and down.

Harry took in the sight of the other man, skin as pale as milk, cheeks, lips and chest flushed. Slicked back jet black hair and the darkest, longest lashes he had ever seen in his life.  They were fluttering, almost like hummingbird wings.

“In the drawer,” Dale gasped out, wrinkling his forehead, hating himself for stopping him.

Following his orders Harry got up and reached over to the drawer, knowing exactly what he was referring to. Cooper scanned his body, analyzing the differences between the both of them, naming them and listing them, keeping these details close to his heart in the hopes he could remember. With any other person Harry would feel so exposed, but not with him. Coop ran his hands up and down and waist, smiling boyishly, staring up at Harry who held a condom in his hand. He ripped it open with his teeth.  The both of them succumbed to giggles until they faded.

Dale slid his tongue across his lips, sliding his hand up and down Harry’s shaft before he put on the condom. Harry bit his lip and dreamily smiled. 

“You ready,” Harry asked, Dale nodded. In the drawer Dale also had massage oil, Harry didn’t think to ask but considering how many condoms there were and how the bottle of massage oil was close to being empty, he realized just how many nights he had spent alone. 

What a tragedy.

At least the oil would come in use now. He had slicked up Coop’s erection in the substance, with Dale watching with a lustful curiosity. Precision in his hand movements were important all of a sudden. His hand on Dale’s erection, the other gently pressing fingers deep inside of him, he worked to get a reaction and a reaction was just what he got. Eyes shut, mouth open, words of affection spilling out like honey. Harry got every kind of reaction he could hope and dream to see, fantasies he had when he was sitting in his sheriff’s office all alone. His mind wandered there, just praying for Dale to knock on that door and come in like he had so many times before.

That refreshing _let’s get to work_ kind of attitude pushed Harry to be better than he thought he could ever be. He wanted to be Dale’s best, he wanted to grant him every single sensation he’d ever wanted. It’d gone long enough now, Harry was aching already and Dale was getting so agitated.

“More”, he begged, his voice giving way to one more moan after another.

When all the precautions were taken, Harry’s hands held to Dale’s thighs pulling him in closer as he gently pushed in. Dale took in a deep breath, his eyebrows raising trying to process this feeling, Harry kissed him deeply before he pushed even further. Chuckling into the kiss Dale had a huge grin, his eyes wide open while Harry’s had been closed.

“What,” Harry looked at Dale with adoring eyes.

“Nothing.”

“No. What? I’m at heaven’s gate here. I can’t have you laughing at me.”

“I just like it. I like it when your hand is firmly holding the back of my neck when you kiss me. I like you on me,” Dale’s voice started to fade off. “It feels so real,” he blinked slowly.

“You know you’re really something,” Harry ran his hand through Dale’s hair, it was already becoming a mess and honestly seeing Coop have bed head was the sweetest sight he’d ever saw.  “Closer you said right?”

“Yeah, closer’s good,” Dale answered, smiling into another kiss. “You can go harder. I’m not made of glass, Harry.”

“Duly noted.”

“And kiss me while you do it. I like it when you—“

 _Enough talking_ , Harry cut him off with a deep kiss, carefully thrusting into him. Dale moaned into the kiss, pushing back up against him as the thrusts started getting deeper. They struggled trying to not lose themselves completely in this act, Harry desperately wanted him to stay still, to not go anywhere, but he wasn’t sure why. He pinned his hands above his head, Dale nodding and moaning with every movement, he complied until it was too hard to. His arms were around Harry’s shoulders, taking all he could of him. One moment after another built up into a frenzy. Now Dale was doing all the work, Harry was in awe, his back against the headboard watching him riding him. One of Harry’s hands was moving along the length of Dale’s torso and the other started to jerk him off, a move that drove him crazy and over the edge.

Coop grabbed Harry, holding him close to his chest, deeply inhaling his hair as he felt himself reaching absolute bliss. Harry let out a moan and then a stutter, before silence. With a few more thrusts, it was all it took. His head fell back, his mouth was open, he had utterly and thoroughly fucked his coworker, his superior, and god it just didn’t fucking matter did it? This was Dale Cooper, the title that came before his name was important to him but an F.B.I. agent or not he was a man firstly, a beautiful, wonderful, kind man.

Trying to catch his breath, Dale had moved away from Harry, not yet off his lap but his hands were gripping at his shoulders. He blinked a couple of times, staring up at the ceiling, then back at Harry who was watching him.

Harry had never imagined seeing Dale in this state, fully flushed, hair falling onto his face, slick with sweat and so very naked. It was like seeing another side to him, and really processing that made him realize it wasn’t bad at all, just new. He tilted his head sideways and smirked at Dale.

Dale sighed and moved the hair off his face, sporting a huge grin. 

“I needed that,” Dale nodded.

“Glad to be of use.”

A chuckle escaped Dale, but his shoulders grew heavy all of a sudden like he was burdened with some thought that was a mystery to Harry.

Harry held Dale’s face in his hands, studying his delicate features before kissing him. Maneuvering him so his back was on the bed again, Harry was on top, their kisses deep at first, gradually becoming chaste one peck after another until Harry fell to Dale’s side.

How many times did they have to be with someone else but each other? Was this some one-time deal or…? Harry couldn’t taste heaven and not wake up next it every day of his life.

“You didn’t answer about Annie. Are you two over,” Harry nervously licked his lips, one of his arms draped over Dale’s chest while the other man ran his hand up and down his forearm soothingly.

Dale stopped, his eyes stayed closed like he was floating elsewhere, speaking in a trance, “I’m looking for someone. A girl.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Have you seen Laura,” Dale turned to see Harry’s confused expression.

He tried to find his voice, it was gone but he swallowed and managed to strangle one word out of his mouth, “Laura?”

“I keep on dreaming, the girl in the pictures. I’m looking for her. Leland wants her back and…” Dale sat up, rubbing his face with his hands.

“Dale, Laura is dead long dead. So is Leland…”

 A moment passed, Dale staring into nothing, processing the information. “Of course. You’re right I guess I don’t know what I’m talking about.”

Harry got up on his elbows, reading Dale’s expression. “Are you okay?”

“Tomorrow we go to the river, we catch us some fish. The water is calling to me and honestly the thought of you and me on a boat together sounds appealing right now.”

“First thing in the morning I call Lucy and we can do whatever you want,” Harry rested his head on Dale’s chest, his eyes staring deep into the other man’s lighter ones. “You can call all the shots.”

“Something just stirs in me when you say that,” Dale said mischievously, bringing Harry back in for another kiss, “How long before another round?”

“Wow,” Harry took a deep breath, resting his forehead against Dale’s, “I don’t know Coop. It’s been a long time since my more athletic days.”

“You can do it. I know you can I just need a number. Ten, twenty, thirty minutes?  Call it a hunch but I think it’ll take a lot less than that.” Dale had already ripped off the condom and thrown it in the trash. His mouth was on Harry’s neck and honestly, it was getting harder and harder to think but Harry couldn’t help fixating on the lamp that kept flickering, the damned thing shorting out.  “It’s okay it does that,” Dale said into Harry’s ear, trying to reassure him.

“The noise bothers me, it’s okay I can fix it.”

Harry got up despite Dale’s pleas to leave it be. He tinkered with it a little then remembered it was always safest to unplug it before messing with it.

“No,” Dale shouted, but by then Harry had the cord in his hand, pulling it out of the outlet.

The ground trembled beneath them the lights went out giving way to complete darkness, pitch black.

Another flickering light beaconed Harry to consciousness, the lamp above him was making the noise he remembered hearing in his dream. He stirred and lay on his side, looking at the wall. He could see shadows passing back and forth. Not all out of the ordinary, his brother had a key to his place.

There wasn’t anything at the end of his bed anymore and now his brother was slowly approaching him. Harry recognized that look on his face. There was news, something hard for him to get out in the open. He could see him struggling, holding his hat in his hands.

“How are you feeling there,” he said his voice trembling. Harry pulled the sheets over his shoulder, raising his eyes and shrugging.

“I’ve had better days. What’s going on?”

“Well,” Frank swallowed.

“Get to it already,” Harry laughed out, clearly frustrated.

“Your friend he uh—he came by. I’m still trying to make sense of what I saw with my own two eyes. There were two of them and now, there’s one. He’s the good one. The good Dale.”

“What?”

“Hawk tried to explain it to me, it was a lot at once but you should ask him yourself.”

Harry in his weakened state, managed to push himself up. “Dale Cooper?”

“Yes Dale,” Frank smiled, “The one you’d talk so much about.”

“Is he in town? What is he doing back here?”

“I don’t know a whole lot. Like I said before, Hawk is the one to give you the answers. But Dale’s gone now.”

“Gone,” Harry’s heart immediately sank to his stomach, “Where did he go? He coming back or? Of course he isn’t coming back. Fancy FBI guy, who’d want to come back?”

Frank could see how this news deeply affected Harry. He moved closer to the side of the bed and put his hand on Harry’s shoulder, giving him a firm squeeze. “Hey. I came back.”

“You said two Dales?”

“He gave you his regards. He called and for what feels like the millionth time, assumed I was you,” Frank chuckled, “You were the first on his mind.”

Harry wasn’t sure how to interpret that piece of information

“Something just wasn’t right you know.”

“I know,” Frank nodded.

“He was looking to move here and all of sudden he’s gone. Everything we grew up with, everything we took for granted, he saw with new eyes. He was so, what’s the word?”

“I think smitten was the word you’d use. He was smitten with Twin Peaks.”

“Yeah,” Harry swallowed, “With Twin Peaks.”

The fire that consumed Major Briggs haunted him. The flames burned high into the sky, him, Hawk and Andy stood outside waiting for the fire department to put out the flames. There was nothing they could do and nothing made him feel more hopeless than that.

Something Dale told him before he’d sleep was to stare at his hands, memorize every little crease and detail. He never listened to him and wrote it off as advice he’d never think to use. It was that moment he stared at his hands. Everything since Dale left The Black Lodge felt like a nightmare.

Telling Betty and Bobby the horrific news, then hearing over the radio that Dale was gone.

Harry had to see it for himself because he didn’t believe it. Slamming on the breaks as soon as he got to the Great Northern, he ran in and down the halls.  Dale’s room was empty, he could see it more vividly in his memory now after having his dream. The lived in bed, Dale’s figure no longer sitting at the very edge, he was gone, the only trace of him left was in his memories.

There was no other way he could live now, he coped with living a life that was blurry around the edges, sneaking a drink here and there. One would always gave way to another and well, the rest led him to this very point, in bed, his brother watching over him worriedly.

With the television on in the living room Harry drifted off. He worried about his brother sometimes, about what he’d have to go home to. He could hear his snoring above the voices coming from the TV. The gunshots and the explosions echoed in his head.

He couldn’t feel Dale anymore.

He was back outside Dale’s room again. In his hands were the keys, not the updated cards that you’d need to slide to unlock the door. Something was satisfying about holding it in his hand. He turned the key, the door unlocked. It was the same run through as before, except the bathroom door was open, the mirror shattered where Dale had smashed his head.

He looked to the bed, empty, lived in. Then the bathroom door slammed startling him. The keys fell to the floor close to underneath the bed. He crouched to get them and saw a note just out of reach. Getting on his hands and knees he stretched, his fingertips touching it just enough to slide it closer. His hands were starting to tremble. When Dale left he searched every nook and cranny looking for clues to where he’d disappeared to.

Maybe he’d been kidnapped?

All the stories he heard from people who had sighted him said otherwise. There was no struggle, just a parting of ways and although Harry didn’t like to go down the more supernatural explanation, he couldn’t deny his dream, much less this one, maybe it was the first or maybe it was one of many he could have forgotten but that man, without a doubt was Coop. This was their way of paths crossing.

The first day they met, my god that attitude, that work ethic, that handsome face, that radiant soul.

From the start it was too much too fast and things like that were just doomed. It was friendship that worked so well, too good to be true. With weary eyes Harry unfolded the paper to read in what was clearly Dale’s hand writing. Harry blinked as he read each carefully written word, tears forming in his eyes. He traced his fingers over the ink as he reread it over and over.

\---------

With his mouth wide open, Frank gagged and his head fell back, jolting him from sleep. The light of the day was coming in through the windows. He looked at his watch and got up, wiping the drool from his face.  Rubbing his eyes, he put on his hat, readying the words to his solemn goodbye for his brother. He really hated having to leave but he did need his space and there was work to be done.

To his surprise Harry was gone. Frank looked around the place finding him nowhere. In a rush he got into his car and started driving around asking questions. It was too early for anyone to have seen him. Everything came up cold.

He arrived at the sheriff’s station to see Lucy having a lively conversation. Her eyes grew saucer wide as she looked at the Sheriff, then back at her phone.

“Sheriff Truman,” she said, startled. She jumped from her phone, a voice answering her just as Frank approached her, his eyes wide and afraid, expecting the worst. “If you’re right here and I’m talking to you here,” she pointed at the phone.

He sighed, dropping his head. “That Harry on the phone?”

“It’s Sheriff Truman on the phone,” she said slowly.

“Brothers remember,” Frank smirked. “Just give it to me.”

It took a while for it to process and she smiled widely, “Ohhh. Sure,” she handed the phone over to him.

“Where are you,” Frank asked.

“I’m at the lake,” Harry said, sounding uncharacteristically chipper. He hadn’t sounded that way in a long time.

“The lake? You sure you’re up to that?”

“Just keeping a promise,” Harry let out a sigh looking out into the vast and beautiful landscape, staring at everything again like a newborn. “It’s beautiful here. God Frank, I forgot how beautiful it is.”

Frank smiled and nodded, “Yeah it is. But what are you doing there?”

“Keeping a promise.”

“Oh,” Frank was confused but didn’t pursue it any further.

“Today I’ll bring us a fish. Can you do the hard work and cook it?”

“Yeah. That much I can do.”

“Alright then,” and with that Harry hung up.

There was a bewildered look on Frank’s face as he hung up the phone, unbeknownst to him Lucy was watching his expression the entire time.

“How are things,” she asked carefully trying not to be intrusive, the Trumans were always a secretive bunch.

“He sounds good. He’s fishing.”

“Oh okay.”  She wasn’t any less confused, but there was a shared sense of relief between her and Frank knowing that Harry was finally getting some fresh air.

Harry looked up at the sky, a smile spreading across his lips as he shook his head side to side. He happily whistled as he sat back.

His body didn’t feel any better, the fatigue, the aches and pains were still there but he could feel his spirit spread and soar. The air breathing life into him, but god, if only he could share that with Dale, although some deep voice within told him that wait wasn’t going to be for too long.

The boat rocked side to side, he thought of Dale in his tuxedo, the both of them young again in an empty room, swaying together as music played.

**Author's Note:**

> [Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/D1D3E27K)


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